We found out gender... :)

So we had our gender ultra sound yesterday :)

If you don't want to read this entire entry just to find out the gender I'll just tell you... It's a boy!

Before our ultra sound whenever the topic of gender would arise people would ask, 'are you hoping for a girl' or just simply state, 'we're hoping for a girl for you' or something along those lines.

I was never hoping for a girl or boy really. Honestly with our miscarriage and watching other's walk through so much pain related to pregnancy I was always hoping for healthy. I know that's the cliche answer but it was really where my heart and prayers were at and focused on.

My thoughts related to gender. Honestly, I LOVE boys! I grew up hanging out with my brother and my dad, going on bike rides and shooting hoops in the driveway. I always felt like I could related better to guys or in a group of guys rather than girls. Boys in my mind are fairly simple, feed them, make sound effects and let them wrestle and they're good to go. :)

Girls on the other hand have always intimidated me. I was never girly. I would only wear a dress and let my hair be done to go to church for my mother and when I was little, as soon as we got home, would strip down to my underwear, pull out whatever was holding up my hair and run free. When I was older I wore sweat pants and played outside whenever possible. I never wanted my ears pierced or to paint my finger nails or wore pink. I've always felt a bit out of place with girls, 'they' (as if I wasn't one of them) seemed too complicated, they'd say they were your best friend and then tell others that they couldn't stand you, or they just cry over movies or books, or they would giggle at some boy pretending to trip and fall.

So, I've grown and realized that I do need girl friends in my life. Especially in the mommy season of life that I'm in, only another mommy really understands where I'm at and can fully encourage me. It also keeps me sane, just talking to another grown up of the same gender.

And all this being said, having a daughter sounds a bit scary. Not that she'll be awful, but more, I won't know how to be a mommy to a girl. I won't know how to be girly enough for her.

And then I stopped my frenzied worrying and think about how I'm not capable. At all. To raise anybody. Seriously.

But God's so good and gives me grace and wisdom that can only be from Him. And patients (when I choose to receive it). And love. This whole parenting thing is scary and intimidating with out gender even playing into it.

So I do hope for a girl someday.... but someday when God so chooses. Now I am thrilled to be entrusted with my third precious boy to raise as best as I can with no regrets or disappointment what so ever.